so it’s been a week and three days since our baby was born to heaven. hard to believe a week has passed already. this has been one of the most intense times of my life – i have spent a lot of time praying, reading about miscarriage, reading about grieving. and the most remarkable thing has happened.
i have found comfort. i’m not sure when it happened, and the crying hasn’t stopped by a longshot. but somewhere inbetween Josh’s general cuddliness and the kind words of friends and even strangers, my heart has stopped screaming and become still and peaceful.
more than one person has given me an image that is so amazing – the thought of this baby being in the arms of Jesus. really, can you imagine a safer place to be? i know that God cares for our unborn babies, He has plans for all of us before we’re even thought of by our parents.
Joshie really likes country music (we don’t know where this strange taste in music comes from) and so i sometimes turn on the CMT channel to listen to country videos. this morning the Brad Paisley song “When I Get Where I’m Going” came on. when i really listened to the words, i was struck by the following:
So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can’t answer
So much work to do
But when I get where I’m going
And I see my maker’s face
I’ll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace
Yeah when I get where I’m going
There’ll be only happy tears
Hallelujah
I will love and have no fear
When I get where I’m going
Wow – that last bit is really what i picture heaven as being like. We’ll get to see God’s face, we’ll be totally overwhelmed by the experience of worshipping Him, and there will be no tears of sadness. It’s really great to think about that when i think about this baby.
Grace
Krista, I am so glad that you have found peace through Him who’s peace passes all understanding. I have two little one waiting for us up in heaven, the twin to my second who would be almost 10, and one between my second and third who would be 6.5. I still miss them. I still wonder what it would be like if they were with us. I wonder if they are boys or girls.
They will always be a part of us. My kids know that they have other siblings in heaven waiting for them. All this to say that you won’t ever forget, and sometimes the emotions will sneak up on you and you won’t understand why, but that is normal.
Feel free to name the baby, plant something in their honor, etc. We bought 6.25 acres last summer, and I plan to plant a tree in their honor in our back yard. Something tangible for me.
God bless you. Feel free to email me or visit my blog anytime.